I call this a game for advanced players, not so much because it's difficult to play, but because I can play it for such a long time without ever realising it. It's harder to detect than some other games. And therein lies the beauty of it.
As with all games, it begins from a good starting point. I find myself thinking, "You know, I should really love people more. The bible and those people at church are always going on about love. Maybe I should give it a go." And then I think to myself, "Well, why don't I try and show people love and respect by listening to them. Show them that I value what they say. Then they'll think I'm a really nice and— I mean, then they'll feel loved and respected and gratefully give thanks to God… Yes."
And so I go to church and I listen to people. It's as simple as asking a few questions really. Here's a quick example:
| James: | Hi Donal, how are you? |
| Donal: | Good thanks James. How are you? |
| James: | I'm good. What have you been up to? |
| Donal: | I've been pretty busy, you know how it is. Doing uni and a part time job doesn't leave a lot of room for anything else. |
| James: | I didn't know you had a job. Where do you work? |
| Donal: | I'm a shoveller at the zoo. |
| James: | What's a shoveller? |
| Donal: | Well… you know the larger animals, like the elephants and the rhinos… they, um, create dung, and it kind of doesn't walk out of the cage by itself, so… |
| James: | Wow. Do you enjoy it? |
| Donal: | It's not too bad. It keeps me fit and I get to work outdoors… |
Notice how the only words I said about myself (James) were "I'm" and "good". Fantastic really. I must be very humble to consider hearing about Donal so much more important than blabbing on about myself. I wonder if he noticed?— I mean, I hope he felt loved and like a valued member of the body of Christ.
It's quite easy, you know. All I have to do is scan what the other person is saying to pick up on a topic to ask about next. Then I sound like I'm listening, and Donal feels like he's valued and respected. Everybody's happy.
Of course, at this point it's very important not to think too hard about things. That would spoil the game. I could get into very dangerous territory, thinking about things. Questions like "How does never sharing anything about myself really show love towards my friends?" Or worse still, "Why am I doing this, really? Is it really to love people or just to protect myself from being hurt and make people think I'm a nice, friendly person?" Thoughts like that could blow my game right out of the water. Where's the fun in that?
To be serious for a moment, this is a game that I try not to play—although it can be a difficult one to avoid. The trouble is that it's tempting to try and measure my christian maturity by how valued and accepted I feel by my church. If I feel like I'm doing lots of stuff and everyone loves me, then surely God must be pleased with me. And if I don't feel valued and accepted, then surely there must be something seriously wrong with me. I mean, if I'm feeling lonely, then I must be doing something wrong, otherwise everyone would love me. Wouldn't they?
So I look around and see all these people who are involved and active in my church, and I think "Look at them. They're always doing stuff. Everyone seems to love them. They must be really happy. They're always asked to go to meetings and things. The pastors must really respect them. I wish I was asked to be part of things like that. I wish the pastors respected me. Then I'd know that I was OK. Then I'd be in."
The trouble with that is, that as soon as I start to measure myself by what I think other people think of me, my twisted little heart comes up with a million different little strategies to get people to think I'm wonderful. If being asked to lead a bible study makes me feel like I'm really worth something, then it's not hard to look like the kind of person who'd make a good leader. At least on the outside, anyway. I can tell you how to do it in six easy steps:
Go to church. If you can, go at least twice every Sunday. You don't have to actually listen to the sermon, just make sure you're seen by people in leadership positions.
Go to bible study. If you can, try and get to more than one bible study a week. Three or four is best. When you do go to bible study, frequently ask questions about "how it relates to the gospel", no matter what the topic or whether it is relevant at all to what anyone has said previously. This way you don't have to actually listen to what anyone says. The whole bible's about the gospel really, so you'll never be far off.
Pray aloud. When you are at bible studies and the leader says "Will someone volunteer to pray for us?" always be the first to volunteer. When you pray, always thank Jesus for dying on the cross and giving us his word, the Bible. And say as if you really mean it—you dont' want anyone to think you're a fake.
Go to camps. Go to every Christian camp scheduled. Afterwards, listen to what other people say about how they found it. If they thought it was boring then say to them "Yeah, I probably didn't hear anything really new as such, but it's good to be reminded of these things." If other people are saying that it was exciting, then say "Yeah, I was really challenged by the talks. I've got some hard thinking to do." Nobody will ever be able to tell whether or not you actually do any hard thinking.
Read Christian books. Especially good are ones produced by Matthias Media. They might be incredibly boring, but it really impresses the bible study leaders when you say "Oh, I was reading something about that in this book I got from Matthias Media…"
Be friendly. When you're at church, smile and say "How are you going?" to a lot of people. Don't talk to anyone for more than about thirty seconds though, or you might get stuck having to listen to some problem they're having. The aim is to be seen being friendly and talking to lots of people, especially if they're new people.
And there you have it. Just follow the steps and you'll be asked to lead a study in no time. Of course, if I ever actually followed them I'd be a hypocrite in danger of the fires of hell, but at least I'd feel loved. At least, I would for the first day or so. Then I'd actually have to start leading the study. I'd have to put time into preparing them so that nobody will think I'm a bad bible study leader. And then I can worry about whether or not it's a good bible study. And then I can actually lead the study, and worry about whether or not people thought I was a good leader. And then I can go to leader's meetings in the time that I'm not spending worrying about the next study.
But surely at the leader's meetings I'll feel valued and respected. The pastor will be there and he'll be sure to come over to me and tell me what a wonderful job I'm doing. Although, he won't actually know what a wonderful job I'm doing, since he doesn't have time to come to my studies. And there will be a lot of other bible study leaders there… What if he doesn't talk to me? What if I'm not really all that special? What if I'm not really that good a christian at all? I'm not so sure bible study leading thing is all it's cracked up to be.